Dignity above all else speaks volumes. Inside our hearts, we are all born kings and queens…
Spotted this underserved king on the streets of Varanasi and was instantly moved by his regal stature. I decided to not focus on his eyes because his struggle is not mine to interpret. But, observing him within this moment gave me an undeniable sense of calm about whatever was to come and his stillness was as vibrant as the noise within the streets…
xo KO
Varanasi // Uttar Pradesh, India
Fun Fact: I’m an extroverted introvert…the worst kind possible because no one begs to think we exist. I’m equally fueled by human interaction as much as I am easily drained by said social interactions. A little part of me dies whenever I have to commit to plans, peel myself off the couch, say bye to my #bae, Netflix to head outside and interact with people…especially lots of random people! Once I get out of my own way and dart into the world, I of course couldn’t imagine a life without exploring but the steps getting there can be quite treacherous depending on my mood. I’ve found that one of the best remedies comes from building in mini breaks between commutes to fully recharge before immersing in social situations. Here are some fun ways that I’ve found helpful with hanging onto “me-time” while navigating through various points of my journey…
OVERSIZED HEADPHONES
Image: Twitter.com/rihanna
Not only made for blocking out the wails of screaming babies, oversized headphones are also a stylish way of placing a visual do-not-disturb sign on your meditation time while in-flight. Removing a pair of oversized headphones requires much more energy than removing ear buds. So, if you’re sitting next to someone that’s a bit of a Chatty Cathy, after a couple of interactions, they will physically see the effort and kindly get the point.
If you’re an audiophile not looking to drop $9,000 on a pair of Dolce & Gabbana headphones to get your momentary anti-social on, here’s a much cheaper, chic alternate from Skullcandy that’s just as much of a statement piece:
READ A BOOK VS. A MAGAZINE OR KINDLE
Reading an actual book versus a magazine or using an electronic device like a Kindle or iPad actively shows your time commitment and concentration and leaves little room for unrelated banter. If your seat mate cares to interrupt and find out what you’re reading, at least their inquiries will be focused on a particular subject you’re passionate about which is the magic way to any introverts heart. You will have control in the situation without getting overwhelmed with engaging in small talk or icebreaker conversations that leave you squirming. If you want to be more direct with deflecting mindless conversations, pick a heavy-hitting classic like Ta-Neshi Coates’ Between The World and Me.
Illustration: Pressedbutnotcrushed.com
OPT FOR A WINDOW SEAT
If you’d like to dial-down your interaction while building more time for introspection – pair your oversized headphones and book with a window seat. You’ll have less contact with those in your row due to being tucked away in a corner and can stare out at a view that welcomes lingering thoughts and an added sense of release.
WALK AROUND WITH A CAMERA
Walking around with a camera gives you the ability to interact with people without necessarily committing to full conversations. Introverts love observing and exploring the world in an insular manner and doing this through a viewfinder grants less anxiety being around large groups of people while also passively engaging.
Photo: Cesarin Mateo
GET A ROOM
If you’re traveling with a group of people and can afford to splurge a bit, opt for a private room. If there’s no way of getting a private room, sit out of one of the group activities during your stay and enjoy a night to yourself. It will work wonders for the duration of your stay. Of course your extroverted friends will try and make you feel bad about all that you “missed” but one night isn’t going to trump all your memories. Listen to your body and follow what it says, you’ll live with less crankiness later.
SCRIBBLE OR SKETCH IN A JOURNAL
Holing up at a cafe while jotting down notes or sketching with some old school pen, pencil & paper are great forms of centering thoughts and anxieties while taking a necessary breather from speaking. Writing or drawing on a physical blank canvas gives you all the space you need to process your reactions to your new environment at your own pace while equally serving as great reference points whenever you’re ready to dive back into real-time conversations with others. If you want to have a little fun with sarcasm to ease your social burdens along the way, you can turn your journal into a cheeky burn book keeping track of small talk conversations you’ve regretted having on the road.
Image: AlchemicaLab on Etsy.com
AS ALWAYS, DON’T TAKE YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY AND HAVE FUN!
Watch some humor from fellow introverted characters like Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm, 30 Rock’s Liz Lemon or the cult queen of all introverts, Daria, who tackle introversion and social awkwardness in ways that make you relate and laugh out loud about your own weird tendencies when surrounded by people who don’t understand you. These scripted moments will linger on as inside jokes and you’ll see that there’s always a point of entry to laugh at your own misguided social moments.
xo KO
We’ve all had this fantasy at some point in our lives. You meet a dashing stranger in passing and spark an instant, soul-searing connection. On this fateful day, you chat for hours and imagine how you’ve never encountered each other before but are certain you’ve met in a past life. Dopamine and euphoria cloud your better judgment and your instincts become heavily reliant on emotions and the “feels” of falling fast and hard in love – though often times it’s a whole lotta lust! Like the hopeless romantic you are, you decide to be spontaneous despite what logic tells you and agree to hit the road together on a quest to turn this fairy tale into a reality of sweet nothings. This all sounds beautiful in theory but can realistically turn into the biggest nightmare of a first date if you ignore certain cautionary signs along the way.
I’ve been down this road before hopping on a plane and traveling out west for a weekend with a guy I only met just shy of a week at an art gallery in New York. It was invigorating to live this unbridled but also an agonizing guessing game that never quite left me settled in the moment. So, to save you some time on the journey to following your heart into the unknown, here are a few helpful tips I’ve learned to always keep on-hand while jetting off into the sunset. And what better way to illustrate these pointers than to use one of my classic free-spirited movie couples, Jesse (Ethan Hawke) and Céline (Julie Delpy) from the Before Sunrise trilogy…
© 2004 Warner Independent Pictures
ESTABLISH YOUR CLASS BEFORE SIGNING ON
Just as any savvy jetsetter booking a flight, you want to know what class you’ll be traveling in, what your seating arrangements will look like, how much baggage is coming along with you and be comfortable with your decisions before taking off. You can never truly tell how your experience will turn out but at least you’re aware of what you’re getting into. In the famous words of Lil Kim yelling at the Notorious B.I.G in “Another” after a lovers’ quarrel, “Why go from first class to coach?” Equally with taking a chance on love, you want to know if your potential partner is on your team and what kind of adventure you’re up for.
Have a candid and flirty exchange about his status and be sure to watch out for body language cues. Look down at fingers for rings, watch averted eye contact in conversation, notice any sweat beads rolling in the deep as well as any nervous fidgeting and twitches. Most importantly, do more active listening than talking. People will always tell you more than you need to know about their intentions if you leave enough room to breathe. If any feelings of uncertainty flare up and raise red flags that you can’t quite place your finger on, save yourself the building of great expectations and pass…
DEVISE AN ESCAPE PLAN & PHONE-A-FRIEND LIST
As romantic as it may sound to have an exotic vacation solely dedicated to getting to know your mystery guy a little better, this can easily turn into the longest, most painful first date known to man and you definitely want to make sure you have an easy out if needed. Make plans where you know someone that’s close enough should you need to get out of dodge. Keep your crew updated on your whereabouts so you can check in and get advice if things are on the up & up or send a speedy S.O.S signaling your stop, drop and roll out.
GET SOME ROOM OUTSIDE OF YOUR ROOM
Build in some me time during your rendezvous so that you’re not completely sucked into the vortex of solely being with your guy every waking hour of the day. Without any space, your mind can prematurely trick you into thinking you’re in a pseudo relationship without genuinely connecting yet. Take a load off. It’s great practice should things escalate past the courting phase since your actual relationship won’t exist in a bubble…
To narrow your tunnel vision down even further, head out and interact with other people. You’ll get a better sense of how your new beau will navigate your status publicly and pick up on any of his social quirks you find utterly cute or irksome.
OBSERVE AT THE DINNER TABLE
Whether on a whirlwind romantic leap of faith or back home on a swipe right liaison, watching the way your date interacts at a restaurant anywhere from selecting a meal, sharing dishes, interacting with wait staff to the ease of your conversations, bill arrivals and attitudes on tipping will give you major insight on what category your lover has mentally placed you in. It’ll also give you an introduction into his family dynamics, cultural background, views on gender roles, intimacy and finances. There are a wealth of subtle gems flying across the dinner table that speak volumes and if you’re not comfortable with your partner’s overall dining etiquette after a couple of outings, it’s a clear window on how compromising on pretty much any topic surrounding value systems will go. Ensure your partner’s truths are palatable.
DON’T BE AFRAID TO GET REAL
If you’re looking for a deep connection and you’re not sure you’ll ever be seeing this beautiful stranger again, don’t be afraid to keep things 100% real and leave your representative at home. You’re both operating off trust at this point due to traveling together while hardly knowing each other. Don’t waste time beating around the bush even when weighty discussions pop up. Stay open to the opportunity and be honest about what you really want.
BE OKAY WITH HAVING NO REGRETS
So what, you caught feelings and a plane ticket. As long as your safety is ensured, see this experience as another adventure, try not to place so much weight on the moment and enjoy! It takes a lot of guts to follow your heart- be proud of that, take a chance, embrace the ride and have fun being the siren you are! You never know, you could end up stumbling into your version of a happy ending.
On the flip side, if things don’t work out, simply take ownership of your decision, learn from your interaction in order to move on and improve on your next response to fate. For added measure, avoid befriending each other on social media before/during your trip especially in case results hit a sour note. Flipping back through your feed is the quickest rabbit hole to self-pity and will inevitably have you wailing this old Jenny Owen Youngs tune…
x KO
One plane. Two feet. Three breaths. Four different thoughts flickering back and forth like a light bulb spiraling out of energy. Step after step after step definitions of purpose circle my brain as I move from point A to B, trepidation to resolve. I had been tapped by the State of Alabama and the National Park Service to partake in their 50th Anniversary Walking Classroom where 300 people from across all U.S. territories, including Puerto Rico, would congregate and reenact the historic Selma to Montgomery March for voting rights – 54 miles for five days straight.
We would learn and document firsthand experiences from some of the original foot soldiers, like Dr. Bernard Lafayette and Dr. Frederick D. Reese who walked alongside Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in 1965, and I was afraid of debasing a legacy that made relatively cold, still gravel appear like shiny rose petals beneath my feet. This was holy ground, and I was sullied in this matrimony of thought as freedom of choice is something that I’ve tasted all my life, albeit through muddled semantics of progress or airplane ticket escapes to distant lands far from the reality of home. I processed the acceptance message longer than imagined, and I started to think about the idea of birthright trips and what this means for travelers in the African Diaspora, particularly black Americans. What exactly is a return to history when you feel like a disappearing vantage point spiraling through a dark tunnel with unalienable answers to truths that only lead to more questions?
Moving on to my morning ritual of wiping my face clean to greet each day, I splashed water across my eyes as I always did, but when I looked up in the mirror, I didn’t see my own reflection but rather that of my mother’s and grandmother’s. I knew that I didn’t have a choice in the matter, that I was going to Alabama regardless of whether I was prepared or not. The bad weather matched my pensive mood as I started my journey, and I ended up getting stranded and camping out at two different airports due to snowy conditions, which left me just short of the pivotal Edmund Pettus Bridge crossing in Selma marking Day 1. I recalled being very upset about missing out on this moment, but in retrospect, I’m a bit relieved that I started in the thick of the trail on Day 2. The journey from Selma to Montgomery is often abridged in conversation to Bloody Sunday (and rightfully so), but the recovery process that kept the foot soldiers moving forward after this grime day is for the most part, lightly emphasized.
Day 2 was a rainy day that got to the heart of bonding during a 12.7 mile walk, and would set the tone for connection for the rest of the course through songs, chants and shared stories. I always wondered why there was a strong sense of joy and hymns roaming throughout the tales of the Civil Rights Movement. Who wants to sing and clap in the rain with American flags in tow when you’re mining to fix a broken system projected by the very flags being waved? It made zero sense to me as an on-looker in history books until I actually went through the process. There’s a searing sense of hope, adrenaline and power through song that keeps you moving despite what your body tells you is possible. Strangers surrounding you soon melt into a uniform rhythm and become family. You are all renewed by the sound of individual voices becoming one, strong resounding vibration and you ingest the very principles and aims for which you’re fighting to win. You realize that the journey is no longer abstract but tangible with each bellow, wail and step that only gets perfected through time. You also unexpectedly begin to appreciate the significance of the flag that much more and what the notion of home is all about.
What is home? Firstly, home is built on the foundation that security will be abundant through love, care and trust. It is built on the belief that no struggles can be too great to afford you some rest, even if for a little while. Home is also where your dreams are protected under the watchful eyes of the night and tucked away to see brighter days. Home starts when you begin to connect with others and share experiences under the same roof regardless of how close or far apart. Most of all, home feels less strange when you’re able to trace the lines that made it possible for you to revolve around the sun to greet each year’s passing. The biggest lesson I learned about home while on the road from Selma to Montgomery was gaining a renewed sense of dignity and motivation – emotions I did not necessarily expect to walk away with.
Venturing to the South was not only my version of a birthright trip to understand a connection between identity and displacement but also my noting a wealth of character in my heritage – one that can only truly be measured by patterns of resistance and perseverance. It’s often easier to focus on what hasn’t worked within our system rather than take moments to celebrate strides that have been made towards progress along the way. The message is to never forget or lull in these moments. There’s equal power in evaluation as there is in action; optimism as there is in skepticism, and that’s why those who have struggled the most and still live to tell their stories have the greatest sense of calm and perspective.
Photo: NPS/Selma to Montgomery National Historic Trail
The march from Selma to Montgomery was not just a stride for African-American history but also a watershed event for American history – period and should not be truncated to the single story of a month. The blood of the stripes mixed with the optimism of the stars through some of the bluest moments of our history is what makes up a bulk of America’s fabric, and we need to honor, reflect, evaluate our connections to home in order for change to continuously occur for a stronger testament of our collective story as a nation.
Last year at BlogHer15’s Experts Among Us conference in New York City, I met fellow blogger, Liv of Unbelievably Human and we connected on travel and life experiences. I invited Liv to be a part of my #100DaysofConfessions project and she equally had a few questions of her own for me regarding thoughts on travel and self-love. View our candid conversation below!
Has travel always been apart of your background? or Did something call you to Travel?
Travel has always been in my genes and from birth I’ve been nomadic due to having parents from different cultural backgrounds creating a delicate tight rope between America and Africa. Tracing where I was born and raised always turns into a geography lesson of sorts with the most frequent stints in California, New York and Nigeria so roaming has always been a natural extension of who I am at my core. However, despite my frequent movement as a child, I truly didn’t appreciate the character growth that stems from travel until my junior year in college when I decided to live and study abroad in Australia for six months on a whim.
What gave you this perspective?
I went through all the wavelengths of bending and stretching through growing pains for the first time being completely on my own in Australia far from anything that was inherently familiar to me on the face. I experienced connecting with a part of the world I previously had never had access to despite growing up in a global hub like New York. I engaged with both positive and negative aspects of being “different” from something as simple as a general, warm fascination about my hair to being assumed a refugee by a promoter on the street based on my skin tone.
All of these experiences helped hone my ability to comfortably interact with people from various walks of life while simultaneously affirming my identity boldly at the same time. Australia is still one of my absolute favorite places in the world that I fondly reminisce about and where I made some of my deepest lasting friendships. I always think it’s very important to never judge an entire area by specs of ignorance you may encounter.
How often do you travel?
Currently I travel about every three months having that be a mixture of both domestic and international travel. Suitcases have literally become my drawers, which has its positives and negatives. Every time I get ready to pack, I always watch George Carlin’s classic “Stuff” routine, story of my life!
In all seriousness, though I travel frequently, I much more prefer to stay in a specific area for an extended length of time to really immerse myself in everyday local experiences and ingest as much of its customs as I can rather than chasing stamps and upping my country count.
Speaking of racking up stamps, what do you think of the current crops of millennial jet-set travel groups?
I find the budding culture of the millennial travel sect equally fascinating & empowering as well as irksome in many ways and am very conscious of my role within the community. I love and am excited about how the sense of wanderlust and adventure is rapidly spreading and becoming the new norm again due to social media and we’re no longer relying on the old framework set out by our parents’ generation to define our sense of selves and what the quote on quote “good life” looks like. However, as the tried and true statement goes – with great power comes great responsibility.
Social media has bridged the gap of communication where we’re all around this amazing, interactive campfire with others from around the world that we may never have encountered on the road if not for technology and innovation but at the same time, these campfires have created huddles of cliques displaying highlight reels setting the precedence of what it means to be a nomad or traveler and in a sense creates a term I like to coin, “travel shaming”. It would be cool to see more outlets elevate travel conversations to display more balanced and fuller experiences that also engage in sustainable tourism, social/identity issues, connecting with locals and promoting education & learning as a means of empowerment rather than always turning up on a Tuesday.
No one should be made to feel inadequate about how often they have traveled; it should be more about transforming consciousness and awareness of what other experiences lie beyond our front doors as well as owning our strong ability to create and shift culture as millennials. It’s definitely a double-edged sword welded by the glossy feeds of social media that I’m very passionate about examining further.
Discussing the UN’s Sustainable Development Goals on-site with Emmy-winning filmmaker & founder of I Sell the Shadow, Lisa Russell. Photo by Pascal Bernier
How has your life changed once you started traveling?
Life has become fuller upon traveling. The act of constantly moving beyond my comfort zone has challenged me to confront my values and priorities as a person and what my contributions are to the greater whole. When you travel, you realize and appreciate the measure of character in individuals and it’s made me a better lover in all senses of the word. I’ve learned to really become a better giver to and receiver of other people’s energy as well as my own while releasing the diluted levels of self-importance that can tend to build up when constantly running around the wheel of routine. You realize what inherently matters on a basic level and try and help your fellow neighbor as well as yourself get on as best as you can while remaining present in the bigger, grand scheme of life.
How do you commit to loving yourself each and everyday?
I commit to loving myself by loving myself despite myself. The mind will constantly reel about various “should haves”, “could haves”, “want to’s”, and all other manifestations of desire that more than likely will never comfortably fit in one lifetime. But, to truly envelope a sense of self-love is to recognize these tendencies, let go of your inhibitions and connect within your present moments and recognize them for what they are…YOUR moments. No one else can live them out better than you can…they are your story and legacy.
How do you express yourself creatively in the following areas: love for self, love for others, love for life?
Self-love comes through how I present myself to tackle each daily battle which comes in numerous forms of expression that can be deconstructed to attire, a manner of speaking, rolling my shoulders back and walking with my head high enough to meet the clouds.
My love for others comes from listening and engaging in their experiences and stories. I’m much more fascinated in hearing about what dreams others have and what drives them to get up each and everyday and approach life as they do. I’m a huge fan of understanding process and examining what that relentless passion is that brings about pleasure and a sense of reverence.
Love for life is extending a hand to others and realizing that we’re all a lot more similar than we’d care to admit at times and facing this reality together. Laughter is the quickest means of seeing how simple loving life can actually be once we just let our natural essence roll with the course of the universe.
Do you ever have tough days? If so do you refocus that energy, creatively?
Of course! Quieting the mind is essential to constructively moving past any pitfalls. I find solace in resting my mind between headphones while engaging in any form of movement whether walking, hopping on a train, dancing or hula hooping, whatever strikes a chord in the given moment to seep negativity out of my pores. Hanging on to disruptive thoughts derail progress and is always a constant struggle especially as a creative…finding some form of meditation is key.
Do you believe that ashes can become beauty? If, so why?
Absolutely! In fact, I’m obsessed with the mythological characteristics of the phoenix. Pain and pleasure are interchangeable elements of what it means to be human. There is no way of differentiating any experience without being thrust into either realm. To fully evolve into beauty, which is a life-long process, it’s important to remain open and get to a place where energy and life lessons are constantly being recycled to gain greater perspective. Being able to rise against all odds is one of the greatest stories ever told.
Have any questions for me? Feel free to ask here!
I long for summer days and playing through the rain. Days that make you feel despite the weather, absolutely nothing has to change. With these days I gaze through the corners of memories well spent, right there over on that park bench. When the times of my life were so vividly engaged as though the life in my palms were meant to create. Gone are the days that fall by the sidelines but by and by are built with the dreams of my unflinching eyes…
x KO
Queen Mary’s Gardens//Regent’s Park, London, U.K.
When it comes to the concept of beauty, I was raised from the neck up as a “smart symbol” and as a result, have always had a disjointed connection to my psychically as a point of entry to celebrate. Growing up, I found beauty in all forms of art including paintings, literature and music as well as through genuinely connecting with people and ideas outside of my general perspective. Beauty was always an experience, never quite a destination. I almost always found beauty particularly striking in two extremes – belly-aching laughter and painstaking vulnerability – expressions and emotions that could never be concealed behind any set of eyes. My confidence came from my intellectual awkwardness and although I had a brief moment during school days where I was teased because I was too tall, too skinny, my lips too big, my eyes too far apart, my gap in my teeth too wide, I never dutifully placed a value in those moments because I lived inside my head and subsequently fought back against my bullies with a heavy dose of humor which ended up neutralizing our relationships.
Beauty never really became a troubling concept as a female until I got older and my body presented a polarizing prism of my experiences. I will never forget being at a bar in college slightly underage with one of my friends who was of Asian decent and an older African-American man who was interested in my friend came up to us trying to strike up a conversation. My friend really didn’t pay him any attention so I was inserted in his brain as the less attractive wing girl he would try to win over in order to get into her good graces. I was in the mood for an adventure so I entertained his company for lack of better humor. He pulled me to the side and said to me, “You will never be considered as attractive as her because of your skin tone.” Naturally someone reading this would think, I hope you threw a drink at this jerk but no I didn’t, I just felt extremely sad for him as well as for the cultural trauma placed on black and brown bodies around the world living under standards of beauty that are simply not meant for us.
We’re all different for a reason and these differences should be celebrated, not homogenized. The tricky thing about beauty is though media outwardly projects physical representations of what should be considered beautiful, when you actually connect with people from every walk of life & race on a basic human level and begin to discuss what actually makes a person beautiful, the most clichéd response that naturally rolls off the tongue is, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” as it should be. You experience beauty when you allow yourself to feel everything – both good and bad days despite how left-of-center from the “norm” they appear to be. And if you’re ever feeling beside yourself, just imagine, it took a legacy and deep lineage to create you. The insight that runs through your veins can never be replicated and likewise, we should all strive to leave that same impact in the grace of being ourselves through as many interactions as we have in the world. So, one of my biggest lessons I always like to throw out in the curious case of beauty is: appreciate your point of difference and learn to embrace that it’s okay to not be for everyone because equally not everyone and every situation is right for you and that in itself is the beauty of allowing yourself to be seen.
xo KO
Photo: Cesarin Mateo
“In 2009 I was offered an irresistible opportunity to spend a month in Tanzania photographing the grassroots beginnings of what has now evolved into Lake Tanganyika Floating Health Clinic/WAVE, an organization aiming to build a floating hospital ship to provide ongoing medical services for the people living in the four countries that border the lake: Tanzania, Democratic Republic of the Congo, Burundi, and Zambia.
I had done a decent amount of traveling both in the U.S. and abroad, but I knew when I boarded the frighteningly small plane to transport us from Dar es Salaam to the remote lakeside sustainable organic farm we called home, I was about to embark on a whole new adventure.
During that month, I celebrated World Malaria Day in Korongwe, participated in a mosquito net delivery via boat to several villages, spontaneously boarded the famous Liemba in the middle of the night, and fulfilled a lifelong dream of going on safari in Katavi National Park, where I got choked up when I first spotted giraffes in the wild amidst the purple dusk and silhouetted trees.
The everyday happenings affected my experience just as much as the aforementioned noteworthy events. Although at home I tend to be impatient, I surprise myself when I’m on the road because I tend to relinquish control to the elements (because nothing seems to ever go as planned) and patience emerges; in rural Tanzania, if the one road leading to the neighboring village is not in tact or currently accessible due to an overturned vehicle, all you can do is wait it out or try again on a different day.
To my amazement, I learned constellations like the Big Dipper appear “upside-down” in the southern hemisphere and saw more stars than I could ever even imagine. I witnessed the most magnificent lightning display one night that illuminated fishing boats on the horizon and the enchanting site of hundreds of frogs–tiny enough to fit atop fingertips–emerging from the earth following a torrential rainstorm.
With only having learned a few words in Swahili, I taught a curious boy from the local village of Kipili, who knew no English, how to use my cameras, and photography served as our primary method of communication.
I marveled at the fact that Lake Tanganyika is one of the most remote places on the planet and contains 20% of the Earth’s fresh water; I found myself gazing at the scenery in awe, often contemplating what this fact means for our collective future…
This trip will always be personally significant because it was in my hotel room, upon arriving in Dar es Salaam (suffering from airplane food poisoning nonetheless), where I learned via e-mail that I had been accepted into graduate school to study Library Science; this was going to be a whole new adventure in itself once I returned to the States. Almost seven years later I am now a librarian in a diverse high school where I do my best to inspire the students to think globally, to consider studying abroad, and to learn about places and cultures beyond the suburbs and around the world. Who knows, maybe someday I’ll end up an international librarian working in the library of a floating hospital!”
100/100 of #100DaysofConfessions Instagram Project
**You can follow more of Alyse’s wanderlust & musings on Instagram at @alysesuzanne, Twitter at @LibrarianForYou and via her personal page of thoughts at http://alyseliebovich.blogspot.com/**
“Ca Va?
Ca Va bien
Nanga def?
Magni fi rekk
Naka wa khurgii…..
and on like that for a solid 2 minutes.
Ok, well not 2 minutes, but for what seems like a long time to an American.
Greetings in one of the native tongues of Senegal West Africa; Wolof. Many citizens toggle between French and Wolof, but as Wolof is the language that would be learned first, or before French if you were Senegalese, I decided that would be my starting point as well.
I usually don’t travel alone. As a performer, I have been blessed to have a number of international trips sponsored by the U. S. Embassy. Through dance, I promote diversity, social justice, and inclusion.
This is an ongoing learning experience professionally and personally. On a professional level, you are constantly reminded you represent a brand, you are not the individual, this is not a vacation, this is work; on a personal level—how awesome is it to travel on someone else’s dime??!!!
Meeting new people, becoming a part of the community even if only for a moment.
That is where my heart is and has always been, with the people, not speaking to them, not dancing for them, speaking with them, dancing with them; I don’t like the view from the tourist seat, I like the seat in the middle of the village with the villagers.
Dust on my legs and a local drink in my hand.
This is my passion. Any country, anytime.
Following this frame of mind, I decided to take a chance and travel to Senegal with an artistic group I wasn’t familiar with.
One of the best decisions I have ever made.
My students were amazing, we connected and music was our language, as I did not yet possess the same words on my tongue, the rhythm was our mutual vocabulary. Outside of the class, the people. So warm and welcoming, excited to greet you. That long introduction became a way of life, really caring about how the person standing across from you was doing, regardless of how well you knew them. There was love in Senegal, joy, a sense of camaraderie and peace.
Now, my trip was not perfect, but as all things, when it gets hard, you learn the most; about the world around you, and more importantly, about yourself and the role you play within it.
I got comfortable with the city of Dakar, the people of Senegal, and decided to branch off on my own.
It was my first time traveling a far distance alone, I asked one of the local women for help translating.
“Amy, how do I get a cab?”
“How much should it cost?”
“How do I tell them to go left, right, straight?” I grabbed my black book, wrote down everything I thought I would need.
“See you guys in a few hours!”
I hissed at a cab, hopped in and took off.
Got lost.
Turned around in the same cab and got back to the house 30 minutes later.
The cabbie was nice about it.
Me, on the phone with my friend who was waiting:
“Well, there are no cross streets, no numbers on doors just turns— and everything looks the same, same color, same houses, same everything—I need a landmark!!!!”
5 minutes later, I got another cab and tried again.
It wasn’t my last time getting lost, but just one of the experiences that led me to a place I can now never really leave, a place I consider my second home.
Even when in New York I yearn to visit and although I have since been back multiple times, when I am away Senegal resides within me.
I cook some of the Senegalese dishes (It’s been confirmed I make the best Thiacry), I speak Wolof with the Senegalese store owner down the block (I stumble but I try). I smile when I remember the last time I danced outside by the fire, guitar in the background and me pretending to know how to Sabar (traditional dance that I absolutely cannot do).
I fell in love.
With Senegal, the people, the food, the music, the ocean, the sun, the language, the life….the music (yes, again)
It is no longer a place I have just gone to teach in, it is a place where I have found family and friendship. It is a place that mirrors what so many people are missing- love, humility, and heart.
Senegal is a place I am proud to call my home.
Should we all be so lucky to have more than one.”
099/100 of #100DaysofConfessions Instagram Project
“So there is actually a specific encounter with two strangers that I tell over and over again during formal dinners or drunken sloppy Happy Hours. It’s not my trip to Turks & Caicos or Paris or even Vietnam. It is actually an encounter in Baltimore. I tell it because it’s funny, dynamic, hopeful, involves a love story and someone dies. Okay, maybe not the last two. But all things considered, it could make a melodramatic scene in a movie. Haha. It was an underwhelming yet subconscious-changing event.
In the encounter, many things could have gone wrong. It was the trust between the parts — the individuals in this story — which made it utterly beautiful. This story began with a road trip I took last October when I turned 23. I wanted to travel but I didn’t have the funds, I wasn’t sure how long I could take off of work, and I was super superstitious about not making traveling plans during Mercury Retrograde. I decided to take my best friend’s advice – “If you can’t travel afar, then start in the states!” Retrograde was over and I convinced him (it wasn’t very hard) to do a Foliage Road Trip from New Jersey to Virginia. On the second day, we made a stop in Baltimore to visit a friend and explore the city.
While shooting on this fantastic street in Baltimore, Maryland, a lovely man walked out from one of the colorful soapbox homes lining the small block. You can tell that this man had more color and personality than this street alone. I instantly began to tell him about our work to make him comfortable. Truth is, we were loitering around this neighborhood and the residences may easily mistake our awe and creativity for more ill-intentioned reasons. To our surprise, we found out way more about him than a conventional conversation would lead to. In fact, he invited us in to see what the inner workings of these picturesque homes would look like. This could have easily been the start of a sick thriller, maybe a new Hannibal. Plenty of things went through my mind upon his offer. My imagination was, perhaps, too active. I looked at my best friend for some sort of confirmation. Were we going to play safe or were we going to just say, “fuck it!” Even to our surprise, well not really, we picked the latter. If we were going to die, why not die in a stranger’s home with blue doors?
Anyway, the only thing that caught us completely off guard was an S&M swing in his basement. Other than that, the home fits the colorful homeowner seamlessly. He offered us wine, which we sipped generously. We talked politics, education, his efforts against homelessness, and some of his occupations over the years – flight attendant, researcher at NYU, non-profit, and now a black jack dealer. This man had stories for days and he had the years and age to back it up. He didn’t know too many people since he moved to Baltimore. He only moved into this state just two months prior. We were now one wine bottle deep into a spontaneous house warming party with a room full of strangers. “You have someone at the door,” my best friend noted pointing towards the front door, which was wide open. The only thing that was preventing the chilly wind from entering his home was a glass door giving us a pleasurable view of his neighbors’ orange and red doors. The host peered towards the speculated stranger and with the sweetest smile said, “That’s my homeless friend.” Funny he said that because we would’ve never came up with that conclusion. He was dressed casually but well and smelled pleasant. Our host gave the “homeless” man his own seat and grabbed an ottoman from another room to sit on. Two is a pair. Three is company. Four is a party.
This new guest changed my mind about every stereotype I had on homeless people. He was incredibly intelligent, absolutely relatable, and truly a lovely individual. He shared his own stories with us, from his alcoholic father to his own drug addiction. He told us how beautiful his kids are and the incredible things these young ones are accomplishing. Our host gave him the only meal he had in his fridge, an Indian frozen dinner. At one point in the evening, our host left us alone in his home for 15-20 minutes to grab some bread. So many things could have gone wrong. I couldn’t fathom how much trust was placed in all of our hands, individually. It was mind opening. When he returned, he had bread, but he also came back with 5 different types of cheeses and another bottle of wine. This experience really expanded my view on people as well as my preconceived notion on trust. Talk about amazing. I’m just glad I had someone I knew next to me to tell me, ‘Hey, this is real life right now.'”
098/100 of #100DaysofConfessions Instagram Project
**Lynn Kim Do is the editor, style influencer and brand consultant behind Neckbreakin’ Style. You can follow more of her adventures here: http://www.neckbreakinstyle.com/**
Photo: Juliano Riscala
